Kink list checklist partner and self how to#
Kink list checklist partner and self full#

What about sex? | There are those who play without involving (traditional, genital) sexual activity whatsoever, while for some, sex is a huge part of their mutual play, whether they’re otherwise a couple or not-others want the full package. Personally, I’ve had variations of both, but will only have long term play-partners with whom I share at least some form of a deeper emotional connection Within team SPNKD, we have Tess Dagger who married vanilla but practices BDSM with outside partners, and SPNKD owners Paul and Mir themselves who are partners both in crime and life. I’ve seen a handful examples of couples that seem to tick most of each other’s boxes, but this is rare. Meeting a romantic partner who shares your kinks can be harder than finding a strictly platonic play-partner, so if love is what you’re looking for, you may have to be more flexible and willing to compromise on the BDSM front. Still, being specific and goal-oriented isn’t bad either and will give you a clear idea of what to look for.Īre you searching for love too? | As we’ve discussed in previous articles, some can only imagine playing with a partner they’re romantically involved with, while others prefer the opposite, or are able to separate the two.

What turns you on? | Are you seeking fulfillment of one or several specific kinks, or are you open to exploring different avenues depending on who you meet? The broader your scope, the more likely you are to connect with someone who’s able to meet at least some of your desires. If you’re new and looking for an experienced partner, beware of posers (more on this later) do some background checking and cross-referencing to make sure you’re in safe hands. If the latter is true for you, I recommend attending events and workshops together (when they’re available again) and otherwise seek knowledge from trusted people and sources. Where are you on your BDSM journey? | Regardless of what your preferences, kinks and desires are, and whether you lean submissive, dominant, or a bit of both, how experienced are you?ĭo you want your limits pushed? | If you’re fresh off the boat, do you want to be guided by someone far more advanced than you who can help push your boundaries and expand your horizons fast? Or, do you feel more comfortable with another rookie, where the two of you can slowly but surely find your way together? I recommend interviewing yourself first, and consider the following: To know what you want, you have to be clear with yourself, which requires some self-reflection.

In this case, establishing your soft and hard limits-things you probably and definitely do not want-is the best place to start. It could also be that you want to be taken on a wild ride into the unknown, and that’s a fine goal too, so long as you’re prepared to not enjoy everything you discover and confident that you’ll be able to speak up when that occurs. The most surefire way to get what you want is to define what that is-as specifically as you can. To find what you want, know what you’re looking for You’re akin to two separate bags of ingredients thrown into the hands of a chef asked to create a dish the contents of the two mixed together determine the outcome. Each play partner or lover will bring out something different in you-as will you in them. It’s also important to keep in mind that there isn’t necessarily such a thing as the one, but instead, you can learn new things from every relationship. But, it’s more than possible to find one, or several, that are just right for you and where you are right now, so let’s focus on that. Just like how there’s no such thing as a perfect life partner, play partners aren’t either. After some years in the BDSM scene, I’m happy to share my hints and tips, with one requirement-that we ditch the word perfect.

Kink list checklist partner and self how to#

A reader suggested we write a piece on how to find the perfect play partner.